haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
