on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
