Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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