I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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