i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
