just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
