We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize