where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
even my farts smell like vagina
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
