rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My vagina is officially offended.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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