the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
