I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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