grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
