he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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