My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
