Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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