Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
