my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She bit a glass in half.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
