I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
