yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I deserve this hangover.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize