Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
