he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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