Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
