When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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