Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
