i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
