remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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