Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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