fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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