he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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