Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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