oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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