Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
