I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
