weddingsv make me drug and hornr
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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