I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
