Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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