he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
