actually, I'm a sock model
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
