So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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