Soap is not a condiment
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
