im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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