Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize