do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
