I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
