his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
