these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
don't judge my taste in strippers
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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