Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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