i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
