I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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