Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize