Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
