Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
