GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
