We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
