No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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