let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
