Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Found your dick twin last night
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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