The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I love you. Go after that dick
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