After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
