Soap is not a condiment
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
