i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
