My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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