there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I got inside last night via doggy door
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
