whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
