shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize