she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
